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What am I going to? Kneel in front of his urn that's sitting on my bedroom dresser filled with his ashes? I mean, is that is that what I should be doing?" "If I could erase it as a day on the calendar, I would," she said. It's a day she says she wishes didn't exist – the one that marks when her son, Christopher "Drew" Leinonen, was taken from her at Pulse nightclub. She has yard work to do and might go to bed early. She won't go to events to remember the attack and its victims. It still feels like yesterday." Proof that survival through the unimaginable is possibleĬhristine Leinonen plans to act as if today doesn't exist. "It's hard to believe it's been five years. "It's going to be more emotional this year," Torres said. It's a chance for Torres and other survivors to support one another on a day that connected them all forever. Last year, because of the COVID-19 pandemic, events were done virtually. But it's important."Ī close look: Pulse Nightclub portraits: survivors, first responders and loved onesĮach year, the community holds remembrance ceremonies to honor those lost in the attack. "It's difficult because of the emotion of what happened, and it's hard to do the things we did before to celebrate because of the tragedy of the shooting. The celebrations for Pride Month, which in Orlando is celebrated as Gay Days, are an important reminder, he says, that the LGBTQ community carries on stronger than ever. "We have that motto here that says, 'Keep dancing Orlando,' because if you don't, they win, the terrorists win." He has been able to go back to nightclubs and finds support from other survivors. Torres said that fear after the shooting didn't prevent him from living. Torres made it out through the breach after the gunman was killed. It took hours before police officers were able to break through a concrete wall in the building, leading to a shootout between officers and the gunman. He gets flashbacks to the black stalls that surrounded him that night, the gunshots, the screams and the hours he was held hostage as the gunman called authorities, making clear his allegiance was to the Islamic State terror group and threatening he had explosives.
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Orlando Torres still doesn't feel safe in a public restroom.
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And for some, the devastating anniversary converging with Pride Month serves as a mission and reminder of the need to continue pushing forward, not only for themselves but for the larger LGBTQ community. Others didn't have time to react.Īmid the trauma, years of recovery and new paths set by survivors and family members of those lost came a sense of community in Orlando that brought people together. Some tried to escape the packed dance floor as bullets poured from the gunman's rifle. Then came the pops that everyone thought was part of the music. Why Pride matters: We need to celebrate LGBTQ joy this Pride Month. Memorial: On fifth anniversary of Pulse shooting, they come to grieve, reflect and honor lives lost Survivors of the attack and those who lost loved ones at Pulse nightclub in the early morning hours of June 12, 2016, are still grappling with the trauma of that night – an attack that targeted members of the LGBTQ community during a month dedicated to celebrating acceptance and gay Pride. In a country plagued by gun violence and an almost steady stream of mass shootings, the death toll in Orlando was shocking and thrust the city at the epicenter of conversations about gun control and terrorism. It was the nation's deadliest mass shooting, a uniquely shocking and undesirable mantle that Orlando held for only one year before an attack left 60 dead at a country music festival in Las Vegas. It has been five years since the country woke up to the news 49 people were gunned down in a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida – an attack that ripped away the innocence of a community known for family vacations to Disney World and with it leaving the LGBTQ community on edge during a month of Pride celebrations.